Cat doesn't have long to live (long)

[Young Ned]

Our oldest cat, Freya (17 years old) was diagnosed last October with end-stage renal disease (ESRD), aka kidney disease. The vet said she probably wouldn't last more than another two months, but she's a tough old kitty and she's still going... but we don't think she's got much time left. As of a few weeks ago she'd actually managed to gain almost a pound since last December, but her appetite's been declining for for a week or so now and she hasn't eaten anything for the last couple of days. She's lost all the weight she'd gained and more, and she's very weak.

We spent the long weekend at a science fiction convention in Santa Clara, and couldn't take the cats with us, but I drove back up to Oakland every night to give her her meds and special kidney diet food. Saturday night she took some food and half of her thyroid pill that was mixed into it, but last night she wouldn't eat anything or take any meds, so I knew she was getting worse.

My wife has owned her since she was barely four weeks old, just a little scrap of fur who'd been weaned too soon because her mother's milk dried up prematurely. She tried to nurse on my wife's other two cats, both male; Random just kicked her in the head when she tried it, but Pixel (the oldest) just let her attempt to nurse and purred at her.

I only met my wife and her cats in 1999, eleven years ago, so I never knew Freya as a kitten, only as a full-grown cat. To be honest, she was my least favorite of the three because she had a rather pushy personality, but she grew on me over time. Random died of cancer in 2003, and Pixel died of kidney disease at the ripe old age of 19 about two and a half years ago, so she's the last one left of the original three. (We acquired Stevie after Random died and Nimitz after Pixel died, so we still have three cats, but Freya is the oldest one now where she used to be the youngest.)

After Pixel died, I could see how much Freya was grieving for him. She started coming up to me while I was working at the computer desk and lying down on the desk next to my laptop, so I could pet her now and then while I was working. That's when I really started warming up to her and realizing how fond of her I'd gotten. I'm sorry now that I spent such a long time not liking her much, and I've been giving her lots of love ever since... especially since she started getting so sick. I cuddled her a lot each time I came home from the con this weekend, and we've both given her lots of cuddles tonight.

There's no point in rushing her to the vet. The most they could do is put her on dialysis, but at this stage that wouldn't do more than delay things a bit and she'd hate being in a hospital without any of us around... and we couldn't afford it anyway. They can't repair her kidneys, and we certainly can't donate any of ours (we're all the wrong species). So we're just going to make her as comfortable as we can and give her as much love as we can until she breathes her last... which will probably be in the next day or two, at this rate.

I found a few pictures of Freya that were posted on my wife's website eight or ten years ago... so they show here when she was still young and healthy, the way I first met her. She's still black all over -- not a single hair has gone gray or silver, despite her age. Here they are:

Freya (R, all black) cuddling with Pixel (L, black & white)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v735/Old_Ned/Pixfreya1.gif

Lying in a guitar case
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v735/Old_Ned/Freyacat1.jpg

Having a stretch
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v735/Old_Ned/Freyastretch.jpg


Is there something wrong with me that I feel more grief now over Freya's imminent passing than I did when my own uncle, grandmother, or even my father died?

[Doolipalally]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all.

Freya is your companion and your friend, but she's also someone who has relied on you all these years to take care of her. She's your responsibility. Now you have to deal with the fact that you can't look after her, can't fix what's wrong. That's heart-breaking.

She's also been a constant presence in your life, a personality you feel the effect of every day. You know how much you're going to miss that. However much we love and care about our families, there's always going to be a difference between losing someone who's in your life every day, and losing someone who has always been there, but at a distance. It's much easier to see in advance just what it is that you're losing.

I hope the end is gentle for her. Heartfelt sympathy.

[Young Ned]

Thank you very much, Dooli. That makes total sense, and relieves me a good deal.

While I was writing that first post, Freya jumped down from the bed and walked away. After I finished it, I noticed she hadn't yet returned so I wondered where she'd gone and went looking for her. Turned out she'd gone under the bed on my wife's side, where I could barely even reach her. Since I know sick cats often go off by themselves to die, I got very worried, but she's still alive. I got her out, and she's sitting on my wife's lap now. We really don't want her to die alone -- we want her to have people she loves around her when she goes, as Pixel did.

[scout1idf]

I know how you are feeling Ned.

I lost Ripper last July to cancer just before his 15th birthday. Since Christmas my other boy Boomer has developed a lump on his back that I am sure is cancer.

I worry about how long we have left with him. He doesn't seem to be in any pain and gets around ok so there is no way I'm taking him to the vet.
At his age (15) and my income level, there would be only one thing that the vet could do and I won't do that while he's still "ok" (not hurting).

Just spend the remaining time you have loving and comforting her.

[Young Ned]

My sympathies, Scout. I hope Boomer stays pain-free for a long time yet.

Random's cancer started as a lump on his back, too, between his shoulder blades. A very good friend donated us the money we needed to have it removed, and he seemed to be in remission for a while. But a year or so after the surgery, the lump came back, and this time it had metastasized (spread all through his body) so surgery wasn't an option.

[Badstench]

I inherited a tom cat named ziggy. I was ambivalent to that cat.

I'm not an animal hater, but I have no specific feelings for cats, and this cat didn't seem to like me much, either.

One day, I was snoozing in the sun when Ziggy crept onto my chest and lay down for a snooze too.

I was fully aware of his 'creeping', but didn't chase him away... and we lay like that for at least an hour.

When I moved oyt of the house, I took the cat to a friend who lived on a farm, thinking it would be better for him to become a farm cat rather than a big city cat.

I was surprised at how much I missed him when I moved, but I think I did the right thing.

So... I haven't got the same experience with the death of a loved pet, but I know about missing a cat.

[spencer]

Ned,

First, let me say, that pets are part of your family. It is totally natural to grieve for them when you lose them. And, I am very sorry for your loss. I, to some degree, have more of a tolerance for animals that a deep seated love and caring. Having said that, I have grown closer to our four dogs and one cat in the last little while. We have lost two pets since we have been married, one dog to an accident and one dog to old age. In some ways, it was just as tough as when I lost an aunt who was very close to me. In general, pets are so giving and demand so little, that one cannot help but love them and protect them. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

[thingirl]

Wow. You rendered me speacless, Young Ned.

I don't have any experiance with a pet dying, but I know that I wouldn't know what to do if my little Kitty-Bells got sick. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It's like everyone else has said: your pets depend on you, whereas your family, although close to you, doesn't depend of you to the same degree.

I am so sorry for you. *Hugs Young Ned*

[texlaw1992]

I had a mother - son pair of cats for many years. My ex-wife bought home a kitten who must've had a cold or something. It did not bother the kitten, but my two cats got very sick. The mother cat dies at the vet, and the son could barely walk and literally died in my arms a few days later. What a shame.

My parents had a cat named Kelly who contracted cancer. There was a large grownth in her abdomen which made it impossible for her to lie down comfortably and she was always mewing in pain. My parents finally put her to sleep - it was inhumane to let her suffer.

So yes, it's far from uncommon to feel closer to a pet than to a human family member. My condolences.

[Young Ned]

One day, I was snoozing in the sun when Ziggy crept onto my chest and lay down for a snooze too.

I was fully aware of his 'creeping', but didn't chase him away... and we lay like that for at least an hour.

:) Pixel used to lie on my chest sometimes when I was going to sleep at night, and it made me feel so loved. Thanks for reminding me of that.

First, let me say, that pets are part of your family. It is totally natural to grieve for them when you lose them. And, I am very sorry for your loss. I, to some degree, have more of a tolerance for animals that a deep seated love and caring. Having said that, I have grown closer to our four dogs and one cat in the last little while. We have lost two pets since we have been married, one dog to an accident and one dog to old age. In some ways, it was just as tough as when I lost an aunt who was very close to me. In general, pets are so giving and demand so little, that one cannot help but love them and protect them. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Thanks very much, Spencer. My first wife had a cat named Ms. T, who was the first cat I ever lived with. I'm allergic to cats and dogs, so I did my best to keep her at a distance... mostly physically, but emotionally to some degree as well. I felt that I liked her but didn't love her, yet when she died unexpectedly I was surprised to see how much I missed her.

When I moved in with my present wife, she had three cats so I pretty much had to abandon the idea of keeping them at a distance (although I still try to keep them off my clean clothes). As a result I've grown much closer to these cats and will even admit that I love them... but of course the grief when they die is that much stronger. Worth it in the long run, though, I feel.

Wow. You rendered me speacless, Young Ned.
My life is complete now. ;)

I am so sorry for you. *Hugs Young Ned*

{{*hugs Thingirl*}} Thank you, sweetie.

I had a mother - son pair of cats for many years. My ex-wife bought home a kitten who must've had a cold or something. It did not bother the kitten, but my two cats got very sick. The mother cat dies at the vet, and the son could barely walk and literally died in my arms a few days later. What a shame.

My parents had a cat named Kelly who contracted cancer. There was a large grownth in her abdomen which made it impossible for her to lie down comfortably and she was always mewing in pain. My parents finally put her to sleep - it was inhumane to let her suffer.

So yes, it's far from uncommon to feel closer to a pet than to a human family member. My condolences.

Thank you, tex. My sympathies for your losses, too.

[Scarbrow]

You have my sympathy too, Young Ned

While I haven't lost any pet (other than small ones like hamsters, goldfishes and turtles) I've grown so attached to my wife's cat, Maya, that losing her would mean a strong blow. And that's even when prepared for it (the poor soul has feline epilepsy, a condition that is indeed rare, and her life expectancy shortens with every convulsion). She's controlled right now, and just 8 years old, but we're not quite sure she'll make to old age.

My theory is that pets depend on you so much you grow a bond with them stronger than almost anything. They depend on you even more than your children (unless they're very small). They trade their freedom for your care, and they even give you abundant love in return. And then, as Dooli said, you just can't fix them. You just can make them comfortable.

Keep strong, Young Ned. Sorrow will come and go, and life will go on. Remember the good moments you spent with her, and all the love that went on between you. After any of us departs this world, that's the most important thing we leave behind. Cling to it. And we'll be here to hear you when you need it.

[Dariel]

In addition to all of the other's sympathy, you also have mine. Over the course of ~16 years I have had several pets.. My very first one being a dog. His name was Sunny, and I got him around 2 months after I was born. He died just about a year ago, at age 15. If I'm not mistaken, that's a pretty long life for a dog.. I also had 7 cats.. the 2 I remember most are Romeo and Juliet. Romeo got an eye injury and we had to replace his eye with a marble (I don't remember why) and Juliet had a lot of kitties afterwards.. One of the kitties was born dead, but my step mom managed to bring her back to life by pushing on her chest. We named her Anastasia, which means resurrection. I understand the feeling of losing a pet, I've lost a lot, and you truly have my sympathy. Let's hope that Freya will live the longest she possibly can.

[Young Ned]

Thank you, Scarbrow and Dariel, I really appreciate hearing that.

From various symptoms, my wife thinks Freya has probably had a tiny stroke. (She [my wife] used to be a cardiac ward nurse, so she's seen lots of strokes over the years.) Freya doesn't seem to be in any pain, but she doesn't appear too happy about her current condition, either. Her pupils are very wide, but she doesn't seem able to see, and her rear legs are so weak she can't walk more than a step or two without falling. She doesn't seem completely conscious, either. She can still hear, though, and she responds with little tail twitches when we pet her, so we're talking to her and petting her as much as we can.

If she hasn't passed away by late afternoon, we're planning to take her to the vet in a couple of hours to have her put down, because we don't want her to be unhappy any more...

[Oldschool]

From personal perspective it's very easy to get attached to pets. You have my condolences Young Ned.

[Young Ned]

Thank you, Oldschool.

[Young Ned]

(Apologies for the double post, but I wanted this to be a separate message.)

We took Freya to the vet this evening, and at 7:17 PM Pacific Daylight Time (GMT - 7) she passed away, with both of us petting her and telling her how much we loved her as she slipped away. :(

I know it's better for her this way, and it would have been selfish of us to keep her alive any longer in the condition she was in -- not that she would have lasted much longer anyway. But it still hurts so much...

[Dariel]

I don't exactly know how to comfort you, but... when Sunny passed away, I looked back on all the fun times we had together. That kind of made the loss more bearable. I kind of had a question, but I thought of it a little awkwardly and decided not to ask it. Condolences on your loss, YN. At least she's happy in kitty heaven, where the catnip is boundless, and the scratch-posts never dull.

[scout1idf]

I'm so sorry Ned, I know how hard it is.

I just hope she runs into my Ripper, they will both have fun together. He always liked to play....

[texlaw1992]

I know what it's like to have a pet die in your arms. My sympathies.

[Scarbrow]

There's nothing I can say to make this easier to you, but in the meantime take a trip to the North and let's wish she meets her big sister (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freyja). Honorable company indeed.

[Young Ned]

Thanks, folks. Today was a lot better -- seems a night's sleep helps a lot.

Scarbrow, that is indeed who she was named after. When my wife first got the kitten, she thought it was male, so she was going to name it "Aksel" after a friend of hers who was a crew member on a Norwegian Cruise Lines ship. On the first trip to the veterinarian, though, she found out it was a female kitten, so she had to come up quickly with a female name and she wanted to keep it Norwegian, and Freya was the first one she thought of.

[smv1973]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a beloved pet. Her spirit will continue on in you and your wifes hearts. My sympathies to both you and your wife.

[Young Ned]

Thank you, smv. I appreciate that.